I've recently returned from Hawaii where I made my television debut. Hopefully, the studios will be calling soon to launch my on-camera career. Afterall, my dream job, at least for the moment, is that of a cheesy soap opera actress.
My journey home was nothing short of a nightmare, and I have flown a lot and am well aware of what can go wrong on the road. I arrived to the airport with plenty of time, so I thought. Little did I know that the process flow at the airport would be incredibly jacked up, and the check in personnel were in the mood to "talk lengthy story." All checked on bags had to be manually searched, but the searchers would not start the process until the ticketing counter personnel was finished with the previous customer. While the luggage was searched, the ticketing counter personnel stood idle, waiting for the luggage search process to be completed. Each individual's time through the line was heinously long. Efficiency at it's best. No wonder all the airlines are going under.
By the time I made it to the counter, it was 10 minutes before my flight was scheduled to depart, so I was rebooked for a later flight. I was also informed that they had just opened a self check-in kiosk at the other end of the airport, so I could have avoided the nightmare since I wasn't checking luggage. In times past, I would have gone through security and checked in at the gate, but you can't do that anymore with the new airline regulations.
I decided to make a run for the gate of my original flight, just in case I could get on. I was one of the last people to board the flight, and I celebrated quietly to not disturb the person seated next to me who had drapped a blanket over her head to shield herself from the elements, getting into the mood to sleep for the next 4 and a half hours on our overnight journey back to the mainland.
As the movie started, the guy in the adjacent aisle seat reclined to relax, no doubt in hopes of the boring movie lulling him to sleep. The man seated in back of him engaged him in the following conversation.
Wacko Man: Sir, there isn't much room on these airplanes. Please be considerate and not recline your seat.
My Neighbor, looking back: Can't you recline your seat?
Wacko Man: That just makes the problem worse for someone else. I can't hardly move. I can't work on my computer. Please be considerate.
My Neighbor, sighing: Well, I will sit upright for a while, but when I want to go to sleep, I'm going to recline my seat.
Wacko Man: Thank you so much sir. I appreciate your consideration.
The movie played, and near the end, my neighbor decided to recline his seat to try to sleep for a portion of the remaining 3 hours of our flight.
Wacko Man, after chowing down on some smelly Chinese food during the first half of the movie: Sir, I said that there isn't much room back here. Please.
My Neighbor, getting irritated: Look, I said that I was going to recline during the flight.
Wacko Man got up to use the restroom. Upon his return, he said, "Pardon me in advance for any disturbance I may cuase you." He then purposely pushed the man's seat forward as he climbed back into his seat.
My Neighbor: What do you think you're doing?
Wacko Man: Go fuck yourself.
My Neighbor looked around for a flight attendant, then decided to take the higher road and shake his head, trying his best to ignore Wacko Man.
Wacko Man then decided to cross his legs and use the force of his legs to periodically disrupt the seat of my neighbor. This continued for about 45 minutes, as Wacko Man grew more and more impatient and was working himself into a frenzy by his own choice. The guy's legs were short enough that he could sit normally without making contact with the seat in front of him, even in the reclined position. Granted, there is not much room in the passenger area of economy seating, but if you're that fussy, buck up the dough and sit in first class. Wacko Man eventually moved to another seat on the airplane.
His outbursts kept me entertained while the gods of sleep decided to ignore me that evening.
My flight connected in LAX, where I had a 2 hour layover. There's no good place to sleep at LAX.
In total, my journey home door to door took 11 and a half hours. Heinous! Perhaps the nightmarish nature of my journey was due to the reclined position of the seat occupied by the passenger in front of me. That must be it.